This feels insane!

So I have two more hours before I have to hand any left over pills to my OH for him to get rid of tomorrow. I’m swinging from blissful ignorance to completely freaked out!

I was talking to OH this afternoon, about how I can’t imagine life being any good from now on. He pointed out that this is symptom of the addiction, and can be seen throughout all addicts of anything. Life has centred around pills for years now. Everyday has been a series of events which happen around the pills – I can’t leave the house without checking I have enough pills to last me in the event of a car accident where I’m unable to get more for a couple of days!

I’m not in a place where I can imagine how life will be in the future. But I guess I don’t have to think that far. Right now I need to just think of getting through the next 24 hours.

So tomorrow I will be going cold turkey for as long as I can possibly bear. As much of the opiates as possible have to leave my body before I can take the subutex, or it will make me very ill. I haven’t left taking pills any longer than 11am before now (and that was tough enough!) – tomorrow I have to try and get through to mid to late afternoon. I’d been thinking of many different things I could do to distract myself, and in the end I felt I just need my mummy to look after me, like a poorly child! So she’s bringing over a jigsaw, and we can see how it goes from there. I’m quite excited about doing a jigsaw 😀

Sorry the series of mind dumps there – I’m too weirded out to write properly.

Next time I see you I will be off my pills \o/

Love y’all xxx


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