Today gave me an insight in to both camps. During the day we went to the UK Bass show in London, and so I cut back on my pills to help me function as a normal person. We had so much fun together, and I chatted away to lots of interesting strange men. It was like the old days of our relationship, when I used to giggle and play and enjoy life.
On the way home my body was ok, I wasn’t in need of more pills, but I wanted to chill and just couldn’t think of anything which would be nicer than my drugs. So by now I’ve taken my usual quota, and am stuck on the sofa in my dressing gown again. It might sound rubbish, but it feels warm and comforting and familiar. I’m worried that without my pills I will find this level of relaxation is hard to get. I don’t drink or smoke, or anything else, so I will have no outlet in this way. Please don’t suggest yoga as a replacement. Or meditation. Both are great, I’m sure, but they’re not quite as accessible, and I doubt they’re as fun!