I’m knackered! Today was an amazing whirlwind of a day. It’s started with the assessment (more on that in a minute), followed by a quick shop at TKMaxx (there isn’t a problem in this world that can’t be solved by the purchase of some cheap nail polish and bubble bath!). Then I got home, and got a phone call from a gorgeous friend in need of a favour. My afternoon was spent in the maternity unit, playing with a super scrumptious toddler, whilst said friend was hooked up to a load of beeping wires which confirmed that yes, she is still 7 months pregnant!
So, a big day! I get tired quite easily (M.E and/or side effects), and a day like this is exhausting. But oddly, I like to be exhausted from actually doing stuff, rather than just moping about and being tired anyway.
Was there anything else you wanted to know? No?
Oh yes, the assessment! Well it was scary as scary can be! The first room we went in to, to do it, smelt of vomit. Badly. Luckily there was another room, so we didn’t have to spend an hour dry heaving! The man I met was lovely, really gentle and supportive. I guess the worst part was that I was shaking and feeling dreadful, as I had to be able to drive there and back, which meant no pills!
I had this idea, beforehand, that it’d all be a it like Jeremy Kyle, and I’d get told off a bit, then led gently to a car which whisks me away and makes me all magically better. It’s not like that. You know heroin addicts have to wait around 4 weeks before they get a treatment plan in action for methadone replacement – seriously?! A whole month of continuous using – and with the knowledge of impending sobriety, which undoubtably has the effect of increasing usage in the short term.
We talked about loads of stuff, things in my last, issues with other addictive behaviours I’ve had through the years, my support network at the moment, etc. The nice man said he thought the best option was for me to replace my current meds with methadone, then roll down to subotex, and the reduce that over time. My face actually looked like this :O. Methadone?! Like, really?! I’m just a girl who takes a few painkillers right? But it is no joke, these painkillers are serious shit, and the withdrawal is hard graft.
Luckily I will get treatment “quickly”, which means around a week. The doctor there has to liaise with my regular doctor and formulate a plan, then it gets real.
I was scared when I left, but my busy day has put it all in to perspective a bit. Life continues, I don’t suddenly become a piece of scum because I take a drug that’s got evil connotations to those who read the Daily Mail. I will get through this, and when I do my life will be sooooo much better. It’s good. It’s exciting. It’s a new chapter ❤